Thursday, August 21, 2008

Sosa Gets 50-Game Greenie Ban; Greenies Apparently Do Not Make You a Good Pitcher

Former Met punching bag Jorge Sosa is out for the rest of the season and will also be missing some time in 2009, after getting caught with amphetamines in his system this week.

Former Mets manager Willie Randolph announced that he will continue sending Sosa to the mound five times a week anyway, even though the Dominican hurler admitted he was only popping greenies to muster up enough energy to warm up and pitch every single game. Randolph also bristled at the notion that Sosa couldn't get lefties out and insisted that he had to stick with "his guy" until he "finds a way to get outs."

Mets general manager Omar Minaya announced his intention to sign Sosa to a two-year deal in the off-season, as you can never lock up too many Latino relievers with performance enhancing drug violations on their record.

Milwaukee Brewers middle reliever Guillermo Mota said nothing and began backpedaling when he saw a reporter sporting a mustache that reminded him of Mike Piazza.


tim said...

You see, you don't have to write some long winded piece to make fans happy, a little blurb like this is all you need to keep the blog fresh.

Deb said...

This is really funny, Jack. I was considering, strongly, giving my Friday F You Award to Jimmy Rollins for his recent derogatory comments and behavior, but after I thought about it, I realized that the Philly fans probably deserved his comments, and frankly, I'm sick of Rollins anyway, and I'm almost ready to take back my vote for him for MVP last year. Hey, it counts, especially to ME, lol!

Maybe Sosa is worthy of consideration.... however irrelevant he is at this point *snicker.*

James Allen said...

I see you've been busy; I myself have just come back from a 9 day vacation where I didn't watch an inning of baseball, and what do the Mets do? Win 8 of 9. If I could afford it, I'd take another month off.

P.S. Not a bad humor piece, but you forgot to insert a reference to Mr. Once-A-Yankee-Always-A-Yankee's "gut."

P.S.S. I scrolled down and saw Mr. Wagner's comment. Is he getting a bit antsy because the Mets are winning without his magical "Hi, I'm the Closer" sticker on his chest? And if this is what it takes to get a major league manager to let his starters go a little further, I'm all for it.