Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Uncle Jack

... and no, I'm not talking about the steakhouse.

I don't know if I'm ever going to have a kid. I'm very selfish and irresponsible, which are generally bad combinations for fatherhood. Christine doesn't want kids either; her golden retriever is going to be her first-born son. Maybe one day we'll get our act together and find a way to make another human being, but right now it's far more likely that we'll be tending to dogs for the rest of our lives.

But I just found out tonight that my sister is going to have a baby, and what's more she and her husband are doing so willingly. Right now I'm fluctuating between waves of big-brother freak-outs and bursts of unbridled enthusiasm. I actually like children a lot, because you can teach them things and make fun of them and play games with them and other fun stuff. I also like giving kids back to their parents when they start to cry or need their diaper changed or just starting acting like a pain in the ass, which I'll be able to do when their kid starts acting up. I'm definitely looking forward to that!

So I'm looking forward to teaching my future nephew or niece about the important things in life, and threatening to sell him or her to the gypsies when he or she start acting ridiculous. I told my sister tonight that I'll take the kid to Mets games when he or she is old enough (although "old enough" means sitting through a three-hour game without a bathroom break). I'm sitting here now and thinking to myself, "should I really subject this child to a lifetime of suffering as a Mets fan?"

It's a moral conundrum. I love the Mets, and I know that I'll form an even stronger bond with this kid by inducting him or her into the society of Mets fans. But is it fair to a child to introduce him or her to the Mets when I know he or she will be happier rooting for some other team?

Aww, who am I kidding? This kid will be sleeping in a David Wright onesie before it's even one month old!!


tim said...

Congrats on that. It is a great thing being an uncle, when you're not sliding on the pavement.

caryn said...

at least you have the option. I have a niece and a nephew. My brother-in-law is from Boston. I swear, in 17 years he never even peeped about baseball.. until I started becoming a baseball fan and suddenly their house is a bastion of Sox fandom, even though they live in Jersey and I am not sure he himself has ever even been to Fenway.

We bought my nephew his first glove (since he is a lefty, like my other half) and when they saw the bag it came in, the indrawn breath that was so obviously 'OMG I HOPE THEY DIDN'T BUY HIM A DAVID WRIGHT JERSEY' (when they specifically made the point that they were 'raising' him a red sox fan) made me want to scream.

so instead of being guided into baseball fandom by someone who actually roots for and follows a team, he will be one of those jersey kids who claims he follows both the yankees and the mets, and will never be much of a baseball fan.

it makes me want to cry.

Coop said...

I have two very good friends - she is a Red Sox fan from NH - he is a Yankees fan (and I believe the opportunistic type). I am trying to be the good auntie and raise their kid as Met. Good idea, no?

Christine said...

Isn't your brother-in-law a Yankees fan? And so am I! You know what that means--Yankee onesie!